The Next Big Thing

Welcome to The Next Big Thing Blog Hop. I'm sharing a bit of info about my new book coming out this month. Then, five other writers, below, will share info about their current WIP (Works In Progress) or a current release. 

What is the working title of your book? 

Take 2

Where did the idea come from for the book?

I have a terrible crush on actor Gerard Butler...He was my inspiration. I hope he's flattered and doesn't think I'm a stalker...

What genre does your book fall under?

Contemporary Romance

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Gerard Butler (of course) and Megan Dodds

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

After the death of her husband, can Alex find love with a well-known, playboy actor or will he just break her heart?

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Agency - MasterKoda Select Publishing

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? 6 months, but I did 6 edits over the next year and still could have changed more. You have to stop sometime.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

There isn't that much out there with the female being over 40, as well as the male. I was tired of reading about young virgins or twenty-somethings....I just couldn't relate. I found I have friends who felt the same way. So...I wrote what I know about...mid-life and middle-age! 

Who or What inspired you to write this book?

Gerard Butler....Had to make good use of all those fantasies...and the women in the DFW Tea Readers Group! They encourages me...

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

Like I said, its a 40+ woman starting her life again and a 40+ guy trying to figure out if he's finally found the love of his life.

I hope you'll check out Take 2. Its being released this month in ebook. 

Please check out the writers blogs below. I would like to thank Tamy Burns for tagging me.  Please check out the below writers for info on their musings. 

Sallie Lundy Frommer
Dawn White
Cassidy Frazee
Diana Elena
Lahevet Pollack

What Does Uncommitted Mean

Hmmm, the dictionary says -  not committed to a particular course or policy. So what does that mean in a relationship? 

I asked around and I received interesting comments: unreliable, unfettered, not tied down, not willing to take the sacred walk.

So, I guess the question is, now, why would you want to be in a relationship like this? Is it a bad thing? That would depend on where you're coming from. Have you had difficult relationships and your heart is fearful? Have you just left a relationship and committing to someone new doesn't appeal? Is this an excuse so you can play the field? There are tons of reasons people don't commit. 

Do you know someone who isn't in any hurry? Are you seeing them? Are you ready and they aren't? That is the big dilemma. How do you convince your "other" you want to be "significant"? And do you really want to?

I know I'm asking so many questions and not giving any answers. I can see both sides and it makes this topic difficult. I can see why not committing is appealing, especially if you are very busy with work. Sometimes being committed to someone makes you feel like you need to spread yourself too thin. Also, if you are dating other folks too, maybe you haven't really been drawn to that particular someone. Should you be committed to someone if you don't feel that strongly? Maybe dating around will help you figure out what you're looking for and who has those attributes. 

I know being committed has its pluses: you're monogamous, you know who you're spending your time with, you have a special "someone". We all want to know there is someone out there who cares what's going on with us, will come to our aide when needed and makes us feel loved. Commitment can be good. 

Okay, so you're ready to commit, looking for that special someone, and you think you've found them. What if they don't want to commit, they aren't ready. Do you wait for them or let them go? Does it bother you they see someone else besides you? If so, I would say move on. If you can handle it and you really like them, stick it out awhile. They might be the one.

Are you in an uncommitted relationship just because you don't say you're in love? Is it love that makes us committed? Its very difficult to find someone you are mentally and physically attracted to, someone who stimulates all of our senses. 

I'm full of questions today. Anyone have any answers? I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

 

I'm Making Myself Crazy

Yes, that's right, crazy! I started NaNoWriMo today. 50, 000 words in 30 days. What was I thinking?Took me 2 hours, and many breaks, to bang out 1868 words. Can I actually do this? 

My greatest fear at this point is that my 50,000 word novel will end up a 20,000 word novella. Backup plan? To work on my CampNaNo project from August. I only made 3600 words into it and life took over. The goal is to be more focused this time. Once NaNo is over I need to work on another full length contemporary romance in my series. Busy, busy! 

Anyway, back to what was I thinking? Well, I have a ton of great writer friends, some doing this, some not, but who are very supportive. Its a wonderful cheering section. Even my publisher is participating. Its very encouraging. Oh, and lets not forget my friends, the physical ones, are all very supportive too. They've been giving me plot ideas and telling me how cool this whole idea is. I love writing. Not only the voices in my head encourage me (sometimes they are a bit snarky and lurk elsewhere and leave me stranded) but friends and family rally around me. I have the best! 

If you've ever thought about writing, watch comments on Facebook. You'll see a lot about NaNo. Its happening all around the world. Its actually produced published works (after a rigorous editing process - we don't edit or spell check as we go). Come along for the ride. I know there will be quite a few of us blogging about our experience as we go too. 

To Fall In Love

Does everyone want to be in love? What about marriage? Does everyone want to be married?

I look back to my dating days in my early twenties. Yes, love and marriage were very important to me, to all of my girlfriends. I remember how dating went (yes, it was a long time ago but I do still remember): we'd meet, go on a date or two or three, I wanted a relationship, he didn't.  I have surveyed friends from back then and they remember it similarly.  Most of the guys were not that interested in having a monogamous relationship or ready to get married. 

Flip the calendar twenty-five to thirty years in the future. Same friends surveyed...men are more interested in a monogamous relationship and marriage than women around the same age. Why is that? Why the switch? I have a theory.

When men are twenty the world is their oyster: they are young, have all the vim and vigor (yes, I said vim and vigor) and they know they are studs. Women, on the other hand, are looking for safety and security for their future, marriage being the answer. But when women reach their mid-forties, they have careers, learned they can support themselves and live independently. Men, on the other hand, seem to begin to want the safety and security of not living alone in their later years. 

I'm not saying any of this is wrong, its just interesting and totally explains why young women marry older men and why cougar women date young men. Obviously, we have all known couples that married young and grew old together.  I don't mean to imply this to "all" men or women, but I have noticed it quite a bit.  Look back at your younger dating years.  What do you remember? What about now? Are you single or have single friends? Are you looking for love?

The last 500 words

***UPDATE BELOW***

I have been writing my book since March.  Some days flowed like a river other days my muse was on vacation.  Then I finished but didn't have enough words to call it a novel.  That was frustrating.  But my muse came back from vacation  - Vegas!  - and off we went.  500 to go.

I've been dawdling at finishing. I don't why.  Too many things going on and I really want to focus.

Have you ever tried to write while you were out of town.  Its the strangest feeling.  I usually sit on my big, fluffy sofa, early in the morning when everything is quiet (except for the cats) and write until I have to get ready for work.  I took my laptop with me out of town a couple of months ago and thought I'd write a bit.  I stayed at a quiet bed and breakfast (www.Sparhawk.com) in Abilene, Texas.  No television, beautiful garden, peaceful.  I couldn't write! I tried, really I did. It just felt uncomfortable.  Like I was cheating on my sofa.

I did take my laptop with me last month to Phoenix and was able to get out 500 or so words before I  had to stop.  I thought I could write anywhere but I guess not.  I can do research anywhere but that's not the same thing.

So now I sit, writing my blog instead of the book. I need to finish but life just isn't quiet enough right now. My head is full of ideas, future books, plans, but my muse must be on vacation again. It goes out of town more than I do! Is it visiting you? Could you send it home....I have a book to finish.

**UPDATE**
I wrote this blog in December of 2010. I am happy to say I have found a publisher. It wasn't easy, but mostly because I was afraid. Afraid all my work was just jibberish. That someone would read it and say, "What is this crap!". Instead, my first attempt was met with a canned response. They were to busy to go into detail but they just weren't interested at this time. Whew! Dodged that bullet. Then I tried a second publisher. This one I knew would be more personable. It terrified me. But it paid off. I was private messaged on FaceBook that I'm in! They want my book! I'm am so excited! I have been told by friends who have been recently published this is where the work begins! I am so happy to have this opportunity and I look forward to the hard work! This has all been such a blessing and enjoyable rollercoaster ride!

Can You Have Joy Without Happiness

I have many friends searching for something…happiness. We all want it but how do you find it? What exactly are they looking for? Long-term joy or short-term happiness?

Unfortunately, we are so caught up in our microwavable-instant lives that we want immediate happiness. 24 hours a day. Any mature adult knows life doesn’t really work that way. Sure we have happy moments in our day, things that bring a smile to our faces, a belly laugh or a warm fuzzy feeling, but that isn’t joy. Joy is long-term, weathers the rough waters, the prosperous and lean times, and can take years to cultivate.

I believe some of us are born with inner-joy. Or maybe we are taught very young by our parents, inadvertently. I think I am one of those people. Oh, sure, I’ve had hard times, sobbing moments that lasted longer than I care to revisit, but overall, I look on the bright side. I know tomorrow will be better. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m not saying optimists are the only ones who know joy. On the contrary, I know optimists that have a hard time finding joy. They have moment to moment happiness, struggling to figure out how to make it last. At the same rate, I know pessimists that have long-term joy. It’s the only thing keeping them going every day.

Let’s define happiness vs. joy. The attached chart should help (thanks to Google):

Comparison chart

Improve this chart	Happiness	Joy
Example:	Winning a lottery will make one happy	Giving birth to a child will bring joy.
Time frame:	Momentary	Long lasting
Emotion:	Pleases a person	Warms ones heart
Causes:	Luck, fortune, other self pleasures	caused by over all contentment, soul satisfying incidents
Meaning:	Happiness is an emotion in which one experiences feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense pleasure.	Joy is the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.

I have always been taught happiness is fleeting; it’s in the moment. Joy is something that

sustains you. I have many friends that are only happy as long as the moment is a “happy one”.

As soon as things are difficult, sad, or tempers flare, they say they are unhappy and want to give  up. Taking life as a whole is the key to joy. In the grand scheme of things is life pretty good? Are the things that are most important to you where you want them?

Maybe the answer is in not taking life so seriously. I’m not talking the case of various forms of

abuse or neglect. Those are situations better addressed somewhere else. I’m talking in the

average person’s life. The old cliché – not seeing the forest from the trees might apply here. We can focus so intently on a decayed tree, we miss the beauty of the healthy trees. Some of my friends have adopted my favorite quote – “It is what it is”. Some things you just can’t change and you have to accept them as they are or they can stress you, but overall is it small compared to all the other things in life? In days to come will it become a faded memory? Don’t let this one unhappy situation rob you of your joy. 

Has Sex Become Taboo

I know you’re asking, “WAH?” but think about this.  How many married over-forty-somethings do you know that say they aren’t having sex?

How many friends do you have married 20+ years and they complain they never have sex with their spouse? I know, I know…stress, kids still living at home, activities and commitments wear us all thin. Those are all great reasons but are you feeling less connected to your spouse? Are all your conversations about the kids, making ends meet and the next disastrous expense you’re about to have to pay for? Has sex become an afterthought? When you finally get a relaxing evening are spending it watching an adult TV show, Chinese delivery and asleep by 10?

I’m not saying this isn’t legit but in the realm of taking care of everyone have you neglected each other? When you get an opportunity to fluff yourself up does your spouse even notice? Have you forgotten what intimacy is? Are there days you wish you had some but your spouse just isn’t on the same wave length? Do you even care anymore?

Life has us putting our own basic physical needs on the back burner.  I’m talking food, shelter and feeling connected to someone. We all want it. No one wants to be truly alone but are there days in house full of people you feel alone? Your spouse is doing their part of the work for the household, i.e. working and bringing home a paycheck, cleaning, cooking, laundry, but you feel disconnected. Is being intimate the last thing you think you have time for?

Now chat with your single forty-something+  friends.  What do they talk about? If they’re in relationships they talk about intimacy. If they aren’t with anyone they’re looking for someone interested in providing it.  Many of the people I’ve talked with mention how they’ve realized how important intimacy and sex are in their relationships. Most are divorced and had lost intimacy with their spouses. A lot of them thought they had hormonal issues or ID and have since discovered this is far from the truth. Not making intimacy and sex a priority caused their lack of desire. Some of them were very surprised to find that 40+ year olds (and 50+) have just as much desire as they did at 30 (hence, 50 is the new 30). For most, function isn’t an issue either. 

If sex has become a taboo activity in your home, bring it back! Date night, mini-vacations for just the two of you, and adding toys and flavored lubes can all help bring the spark back.  Remembering what brought you together in the beginning is a good place to start. And never forget to read. I’m not talking Penthouse and Playboy, but blogs or books about intimacy and foreplay. Learn to enjoy one another again.