I write a lot about dating and relationships. Today I'd like to introduce you to Aurora Morealist. She talks about what she thinks makes a great relationship and her experience at mature dating. Take a peek and see if you have a different opinion. Please write them below. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
If you could build your ideal man, top to bottom, describe him...
Genuine.Safe. Kind.Loving. Loyal. Non-smoker of anything at all. Non-drinker.
Great hygiene, nothing smells better than clean. Okay maybe evergreens
Kissable lips and teeth. Warm, tender hands. Values love, friends, family and simple pleasures in life. Knows the difference between monogamy and mahogany
Stable and trustworthy,of solid character. Wouldn’t hurt if he is good looking but looks aren’t everything to me. Common sense, respect and intelligence are more important.
What do you find the most attractive part of man’s body?
Eyes – In my observation, the way a man looks at or does not look at you usually tells you all you need to know about how he feels about you.
What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Oh dear. I think I just listed those above in question 1. Let me just add that qualities are more important than appearance. Appearance matters, yes, but for me it is more about basic common sense than particular traits (ie tall, dark and handsome). Short, sweet and winsome is fine if he is engaged in being genuinely whoever he is so that I can genuinely decide if I want his presence in my reality.
What do you want in a relationship?
Companionship. Connection. Life partner. Purity of intent on both sides. Bonding. Respect, honor and healthy communication. Someone to cuddle with and share the quiet times as well as socializing, family, etc Someone who accepts me just as I am, appreciates me without trying to change me. A man unafraid to speak to injustice who walks tall in life, integrity his way of being no matter what we do.
What do you consider a romantic evening?
Walking and talking is always an easy pleasure. From there holding hands and walking and talking, lol… or dinner or coffee together in a quiet corner where we can continue to enjoy and focus on one another. Or a night of dancing, love dancing… can dance for hours… Or a winter picnic with a thermos of mocha under the moon works, too
Do you like to be fed by your date?
It’s awkward feeling to me, actually kind of annoying in public. The fork was so loaded some food landed on my dress but I politely complied where I should have politely declined instead of letting him fork it over in his “showy” way (yes, he is not “him” lol)
How many dates should a couple go on before they have sex?
That should be decided by the couple. There is no rule and no one should listen to anyone else because everyone has different thoughts, ideas and values on this very personal matter. For me, I cannot just hook-up and have sex. It is not and never will be who I am. Some have no problem with it and I can’t judge them just because it doesn’t work for me. We are all different and even the word “relationship” describes something different for all of us.
What do you think is the biggest mistake women make when dating?
Many women seem to forget that reality matters and they must not ignore the problems/alarm bells early on in a relationship. For example, if he criticizes you or anything to do with you in any way or is still focused on his ex or you are arguing at all in the first two weeks, see it clearly and decide whether this is something you want more of … instead of forging right on past the red flags just because your ideals or longing/emotional needs press you onward when your intuitive self knows better. I know because I did this. Getting in touch with yourself, being very clear about what you want is vital. Many men do not enjoy my clarity – or so they say in cold messages to let me know my standards are too high but they are not for me anyway. Be patient. Recognize that nothing is perfect and never will be. We really don’t need perfect, we just need perfect for us. Stay grounded in reality, keep it classy. A male friend in our age group (40’s – 50’s) said he became very depressed seeing boob shots from obviously 50 something or older partied out women dressing like Brittany Spears wannabes. That made me feel very sad and yet said so much to me about valuing my own standards. Of course intimacy in relationships matters very much to me. Yet, I personally do not want to project that I am only about that. If men don’t “read” my profile accurately, again, they are not for me.
...the biggest mistake men make?
Assuming anything about women/a woman or talking about all the women who still want them. I have talked to more assuming men online than anywhere else in my life. Years ago in a PR course, I learned the word “assume” means ASS of U and ME. It really does. Telling me about all the women who want you only tells me that you are either arrogant or insecure and I’m not up for those types anyway. I don’t want to be needed but I do want to be wanted. Telling those men about all the men who still want you doesn’t level the playing field at all, I found, they can’t even hear us anyway. I probably blocked close to 500 men in the past three years on various dating sites. I really can’t remember. Only a handful were actually interesting to talk to – so far - and seemed as genuine as their profiles as they were to converse with. Almost ready to give it up after three years of being single and finding so many wishy-washy on-the-fence attitudes out there. It really doesn’t matter how many questionnaires dating sites have to improve their matching. Anyone can be anything they want on line. Illusions and delusions are rampant online. The real world exposes the real you. Be prepared for constant rejection if you are operating in an online persona that proves false over the telephone or in person. Keep it real. My retired Irish pilot friend seldom ever cusses but she did once when sharing an old family phrase “there’s an arse for every seat.” Keeping it real – what you REALLY want, photos of what you REALLY look like NOW - ensures your chances of a matching seat instead of wasting time. This basic respect applies to both genders though, really, in my opinion. Usually by the third email – emails directly from the man himself, not a question back and forth dating site gimmick that wastes my time because cons can out-con any machine - I can see for myself if I want to move to telephone or halt things right there.
Do you think it’s possible to have a monogamous long term relationship, as in till death do us part?
Yes. The commitment has to be from both sides. That’s the only glitch these days. People are often too busy wondering what they’ve missed out on instead of appreciating what they’ve found is what I have discovered. More men I spoke with and/or met eyeball to eyeball came back to say things like “you were so real,” “you were the best woman I met on here” or “I should never have let you go” etc but I am not priority number nine and will not settle for someone who can’t see who I am in the first place. I know what I want in a man and I’ll know when I find him, instead of doubts and questions in my mind arising, I will calmy, quietly know.The “online-drive-through-human-smorgasbord-mentality” seems to be highly addictive to many who cannot disengage from their gadgets and machines long enough to even forge a real world connection let alone build a meaningful relationship. Another guy friend tells me that women are just as slippery about any commitment in the real world ranging from reluctance to actually meet in the real world to thinking they will miss a better person if they leave the online world behind - as I have found many men to be. That said, I still believe if both parties are truly committed to one another, it can last forever. It takes work but loyally married for three decades I know what that work looks like – it’s not as hard as we think if a couple is truly a team as anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows
How does a couple, who’s been together a long time, keep the spark in their relationship?
In my opinion, both need to remember that nothing will ever be like it was. But bonding continues at deeper levels if both are willing to truly continue building and work together to overcome challenges. This is the foundation I have seen again and again in lasting relationships. We are all human and when we open our mouths, our brain rolls out like it or not. Our actions also prove whether or not we walk our talk. If we see something unpalatable or questionable in the opening act, so to speak, lol, we have every right to register our observations or question what we see in order to make healthy decisions for ourselves. Going blindly into a relationship based on whatever is going on inside our own heads is a portent for disaster – in any relationship – even friendship as I have painfully discovered. Know what you want going in because it is the bond you build that will get you through the relationship tests. Flames of love can always be rekindled or reach higher is my personal belief… if we don’t snuff out the spark with our own fantasies and unrealistic expectations.
What do you consider a romantic song?
Bruno Mars – It Will Rain
Madonna – Crazy For You
Spandau Ballet - True
Who’s your favorite celebrity crush?
Oh boy, this is difficult. I’m not much on the world of fame/celebrities so I am truly struggling. If I can think of someone, I’ll get back to this question later.
What’s a typical night with Aurora?
Boring, lol. Quite a home body at night, I usually do chores, fix some dinner (sometimes yogurt or cereal), write, read, perhaps watch a movie or catch up on the phone with friends. Not into texting or having gadgets wired to my butt – prefer quiet simplicity and living pretty but pretty simply. Social media maintenance is probably the most complex thing I do, try not to get stuck there because I start resenting time lost to “machines.” Write anything from poetry and blog(s) to poetry on my blog. A walk if weather permits and in summer a park visit, a sea side stroll or just reading on the patio listening to breeze- inspired leaf song. Still, if the right company arrived, I might say “let’s go say goodnight to the stars” at midnight
When you sleep, do you prefer jammies or in the buff?
Personally I prefer pj’s – I think it’s mother programming, “always make sure you have clean underwear in case you get in an accident” – as if we would care about that if we were in an accident, lol. I am situation dependent just as with my eclectic taste in music. If a partner appears I may wear a more feminine gown or robe or… who knows… everyone is different but a regular night will find me in regular pj’s or a man’s oversize cotton T summer nights :)
Dating is difficult at any age. We hope as we grow older and mature, it will be easier. We have all seen that with maturity comes baggage that taints our actions and decisions. Are you having success at dating? If you have a secret, I'd love for you to share!