The last 500 words

***UPDATE BELOW***

I have been writing my book since March.  Some days flowed like a river other days my muse was on vacation.  Then I finished but didn't have enough words to call it a novel.  That was frustrating.  But my muse came back from vacation  - Vegas!  - and off we went.  500 to go.

I've been dawdling at finishing. I don't why.  Too many things going on and I really want to focus.

Have you ever tried to write while you were out of town.  Its the strangest feeling.  I usually sit on my big, fluffy sofa, early in the morning when everything is quiet (except for the cats) and write until I have to get ready for work.  I took my laptop with me out of town a couple of months ago and thought I'd write a bit.  I stayed at a quiet bed and breakfast (www.Sparhawk.com) in Abilene, Texas.  No television, beautiful garden, peaceful.  I couldn't write! I tried, really I did. It just felt uncomfortable.  Like I was cheating on my sofa.

I did take my laptop with me last month to Phoenix and was able to get out 500 or so words before I  had to stop.  I thought I could write anywhere but I guess not.  I can do research anywhere but that's not the same thing.

So now I sit, writing my blog instead of the book. I need to finish but life just isn't quiet enough right now. My head is full of ideas, future books, plans, but my muse must be on vacation again. It goes out of town more than I do! Is it visiting you? Could you send it home....I have a book to finish.

**UPDATE**
I wrote this blog in December of 2010. I am happy to say I have found a publisher. It wasn't easy, but mostly because I was afraid. Afraid all my work was just jibberish. That someone would read it and say, "What is this crap!". Instead, my first attempt was met with a canned response. They were to busy to go into detail but they just weren't interested at this time. Whew! Dodged that bullet. Then I tried a second publisher. This one I knew would be more personable. It terrified me. But it paid off. I was private messaged on FaceBook that I'm in! They want my book! I'm am so excited! I have been told by friends who have been recently published this is where the work begins! I am so happy to have this opportunity and I look forward to the hard work! This has all been such a blessing and enjoyable rollercoaster ride!

An Unromantic Romance Writer

I know, you're asking,"WHAT?"

I'm really not a romantic. Never have been. But I love writing and reading romance. Maybe it's my lack of romance that attracts me to it. The sweet love stories, the torrid, stormy romances, the historical highlander-invades-and-kidnaps tales - I love them! Don't ask me to recite a gushy romantic comment. I don't have any in my vocabulary. If they are said to me I have to hide the eye-rolling terse comment that tries to escape my thoughts. I know, its sad.

So, now you're wondering, "How does she write romance then?" Well, I watch everyday life. I listen to other people.  I read a lot! Yes, my friends can vouch for me  - I steal their lines, their stories, their comments. I have many romantic friends who tell me their tales, in confidence of course, and, yes, I use their love, pain and mushy stories. No one is safe!

I can't help it! They are my muse. Oh, I have the voice in my head that comes up with a bit of gooeyness every now and then, but my friends are my real motivation.  I enjoy reading and, especially, writing romance. The ideas flow but to add that special something - the perfect quote, a great setting, that special description of the perfect kiss - my friends are great contributors.

So, as you read my blogs and, hopefully someday, my books, you'll know I had a ton of help in writing them.  Oh, I could never disclose who gave me that perfect line or that warm and fuzzy date.  That would be just wrong on so many levels. Also, that friend would stop sharing their feelings with me. Just enjoy the fact that you know the story is a collaboration of great friendships coming together to share their deepest secrets.

When Is Mid-Life

    I've heard about the dreaded "Mid-Life" my whole life.  My parents talked about it like it was a disease.  I've had friends who have reached it. But the big question is, "When do I reach it, or have I"? 

    My parents and their friends, all almost forty years my senior, equated "Mid-Life" with menopause (his and hers).  Now that my friends and I have reached our forties, and beyond, we look for the dreaded "Mid-Life Crisis".  I know those ten years plus my age still considered "Mid-Life" to be a woman's menopausal years, but with men it was when they bought the red sports cars, divorced their wives and dated their secretaries and assistants twenty years their junior. I have begun to look at it as a turning point. 

    After watching many of my friends divorce in their mid to late forties, find new careers, and see their kids all grown, it gave me a new meaning to "Mid-Life".  Not every "Mid-Life" moment is a crisis. My husband retired from the military at thirty-nine.  He started a new career with Homeland Security thanks to 911 - 09/11/01 was his original retirement ceremony and was rescheduled due to the terror that day. He found a new career, we moved and started over. I think that time in his life could be considered his "Mid-Life".  Of course, five years later he dreamt of a motorcycle, tattoo, and helped his daughter buy a red sports car that ended up in our driveway.  He had a relapse....but no crisis, unless you want to count the car payment we added to our budget. 

    I have a friend that divorced her husband of over twenty years, has bought her own house and is going back to school for a new career.  The only crisis is that she was forced out of her old job but it has helped her take a leap of faith into a new career. 

    I have another friend that suffered in a difficult marriage for many years for the sake of her children. Once they were grown, she was able to free herself of the bondage she was in to find true, selfless love with the man she was meant to be with. 

    So why does "Mid-Life" have such a negative connotation? Maybe because many figure out they need to go down a path that their spouse doesn't want to follow. For many that may mean a divorce. No one ever said life would always be the same or easy. 

   Have I stepped into "Mid-Life"? I think those that know me the best would say, by my definition, I have. I have lost some weight (not as much as I would like - yet), I've started a couple new careers (writing being one of them), and my outlook on life has changed. Is it causing difficulty in my daily routine?  Have the changes I'm making made an impact? Oh yeah.  Now what do I do? Not rock the boat or go where I am lead?  Lead and see who follows....

Do Friends Make Better Lovers

Do friends make better lovers? Do they make better long-term partners?

Most couples become couples first, friends second.  Is it better the other way around? I've been told by many, yes. But doesn't that screw up Dating 101? You know, you meet at a party, eyes link from across the room, you're drawn to each other, you go have coffee, talk into the night, and BAM, your dating! If you're friends first, how does that change things?

If you're friends, from school, neighbors, work and then you start to date, is it because you were always attracted to each other? Or is it because you know each other's flaws already, know what irks one another, what each one likes, that a relationship can bloom?

Have you ever had a roommate? Was the roommate your best friend? Did you stay roommates for long? I know I've had very close friends as roommates and, generally, we couldn't stay roommates in order to preserve our relationship.  Does that hold true if your the opposite sex? Can a man and a woman be best friends and roommates and not have a relationship? Aren't we made to be drawn to one another? If you have a best friend that is of the opposite sex are you destined to become more? Is it the nature of the beast?

I'm not saying men and women can't be friends and not be sexually drawn to one another.  I'm talking best friends. Women know what I'm saying. When we have best friends we do a lot of things together, tell our deepest, darkest secrets, reveal ourselves. Once you've done that with a man have you gone too far? Have you pushed your relationship to the next level? Can men process information like that and not see a deeper attraction than just buddies? Can a woman? If you take the next step does it give you a deeper relationship than starting out as a dating couple to begin with?

For example, lets go back to the Dating 101 scenario.  You're strangers, having coffee, talking about superficial basics of first contact. Next step is the first date.  Then the second, and so on. At what point are you comfortable enough to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets? Will you ever share your lifelong dreams and goals? Oh, you'll share some but do you share all, without the fear of rejection? Is it easier to share those deepest thoughts with your friend than your lover? Sure it is.

So in saying that, the question is, how do you know if your friend should become more to you? As a friend they accept you, warts and all, usually from the beginning. In Dating 101, you're much pickier; sometimes dumping someone for a flaw you should have accepted, would have as a friend, to find out they would have been a great catch later on but you blew it.

The only thing I can say is enjoy your friendship.  Don't push it along.  Let nature take its course. Not every relationship is meant to take the next step.  Sometimes friendship is wonderful just the way it is and sometimes its better when its more.

How Many Times is Too Many Times

Hmmm...How many times is too many times in a day, an hour, in fifteen minutes? One, three, five?

I'm talking calling and texting your friend/significant other with no response. I think men and women view this same way, some are multiple callers, some are single. Does it really stress the importance of a call/text if it is multiplied by ten? Or does it just encourage the receiver to ignore it?

I'm of the opinion that a single call is sufficient, depending on importance.  If a car wreck or hospital is involved then a possible text and call are needed.  I know my daughter never answers calls but I definitely get her to answer a text.  May take an hour or two, but she eventually answers.  If the call is just to chat I typically do not leave a voice mail and do not back it up with a text.  I figure the receiver will see the missed call and call back if they want to chat. Occasionally, I will leave a voice mail if I have a particular reason to call.  If I receive no response I may call back the next day.

My daughter likes to, as she calls it, blow up the receivers phone.  She will text repeatedly and call repeatedly if there there is no response.  She thinks if there is twenty calls/texts from her then the person will get back to her quicker. I know when she does it to me I am more likely to ignore the calls.

So, back to your significant other.  If you call them and they don't answer, should call again to make sure your call went through? Should then text to make sure they know you're calling? And do you get more opportunities to call if you've been together more or less time? Hmmm...Are you being needy or pesty? Will multiple calls get you the response you want or will they just get irritated? These are questions you have to answer yourself. You know the person you're calling.  Are they not answering because they can't hear the phone, they're busy and can't get to it or because you fear they aren't interested in you anymore? Does multiple calls/texts help this situation? Will it make them realize how wonderful you are?

Thinks to ponder...

Love Over Forty

I have finally finished my first novel.  And, of course, I wonder if anyone will want to read it. Its not about the typical couple; the hero is in his early forties and the heroin is in her mid-late forties. Will anyone believe you can find love for the first or, even, second, time around?

I'm in my forties and I have many friends in their forties and fifties asking the same question.  Will love be there for them? To find out if my book is realistic I asked the experts, my friends. 

One friend, divorced at forty-six, found love with a younger guy, thirty-eight, within months of her separation from her husband.  Another friend, divorced in her late forties after twenty-seven years of marriage, found true happiness with a man twenty years her junior. And yet another, divorced after five years of marriage, found love with a man twenty years her senior.  

Not all relationships have faired so well.  One other friend who divorced at forty, three years ago, has been struggling just to find a decent date.  And one other has yet to find that special someone after attempting to get married multiple times. 

Is love any easier later in life? After watching my friends I think its just as difficult as in your twenties except you know more of what to expect. If I've learned anything in the last twenty or so years its to be honest and up front from the beginning. Life is short and we don't have time for games and players. In most of the relationships I've been exposed to those that are fairing the best are the ones that aren't afraid to say what they need from their partner. Just because we're older doesn't necessarily mean we're much wiser. Sometimes we need direction. 

So, in light of my research, my book appears valid and plausible. Once it hits the internet (ebooks) I'll let you know. You can give me your opinion. 

Bringing Romance Back Into Your Relationship

Remember the beginning of your relationship?  Every time he walked into the room your stomach did flip-flops.  Just the way she looked at you made you weak in the knees? What happens to that feeling? Where does it go?

Life happens and we start to take each other for granted.  You might have children and they take all your focus.  Or you just get too comfortable with each other: pass gas around each other, share the bathroom at the same time, or just stop wearing makeup while your home.  All these little things make us forget why we fell in love originally.

Remember how you tried to look your best, even when it was time to go to bed? How do you get that back? Are you still in love or just in a routine?

I have seen many couples divorce after many years of marriage because they just don't have passion for each other.  Are those who are still married, feeling a bit stuck in a rut, settling? Or is love just that way?  Does passion have to end?  It's such a high and makes you look forward to a new day. Why can't that be something we feel all the time?

I don't have the answer.  I wish I did.  Is moving on to a new relationship the answer? Will the passion eventually fizzle out of that one too leaving you to hop to the next? Is passion love? Does love have passion? Hmmm....thoughts to ponder.

The New Year

Can you believe we are starting 2011 in just a couple days?  Is it me or did this year fly by in a blink of an eye?

I look back on the past twelve months and think about accomplishments, failures and unfinished business.  All in all the year has been pretty positive.  I still have a couple things to finish and the failures were stepping stones.  So what to plan next year?

Hmmm, number one on the list is finish my first book.  Editing and a few changes is all it needs. Number two is to start the second book. Number three is to try to get it published.  Then, of course, there a fifty more things on the list that I'll be working on in between called life. What do you have planned for next year?

Giving the Reader What They Want

I write what I want to read. I have heard other authors say that. I love to read historical romance. LOVE IT!  Do I want to write it? No!  Way too much research! I like to write contemporary romance. Once I get published will anyone else want to read my books?  I hope so.

I met up with some friends tonight who are avid readers.  Mostly romance. I listened to the comments they made about other authors they read.  The heroine was too young and not relatable, too many zombies, story didn't move along quick enough, too much sex, not enough sex...

It gave me even more book ideas. I definitely have the writing bug! My muse is busy throwing ideas at me quicker than I can write them down. Surely others will want to read my work and share it with the world. If not I will still have to write. And I will continue to listen to what others want to read and try to accommodate while still enjoying they story my way.

How do I Write a Story?

Most of my friends are very surprised I'm writing novels.  I don't know why.  I have always had a pretty vivid imagination.  I've written poetry in the past.  I think they wonder why I waited until now.  After all, I'm in my late 40's.  You know, nearing the menopause days, I should just pack up my life and live on past memories.

As I near fifty, I still have a couple of years, I feel as energetic and alive as I did at twenty-five.  I still have dozens of things I'd love to see and do.  I'm not dead yet!

Writing is just one of those things I've wanted to do.  I tried to write a few years ago.  It ended up a VERY short story, and in the trash.  I tried to write a memoir of adopting our daughter.  The outline is complete but I set it aside for awhile.

I can blame Gerard Butler for my desire to finally pick up the computer and type my life away.  My dearest friends know about my obsession.  I have all of his movies and I have seen most of his interviews.  It was bordering on scary until I decided to write about him instead.  Well, not about him exactly.  About a Scottish actor who can't seem to find the right woman.  It flowed brilliantly until I neared the end.  Now it's getting difficult.  2500 words to go...and then it ends. Then what?

A book about a Gerard Butler/Craig Ferguson type with Robert Burns (the Scottish Poet) all rolled into one book. I can't wait to start.  Then there's book three... expanding on a character in the first book - a magician - a Criss Angel type of guy.  I love research!!!!